back from the hiding..

I don't know what happen this past several months... I completely shut myself.

Everything has gone by just BLUUUUURRRR like that! Zoomed by so quick i'm still wondering what the heck has happened! I can't accept the reality.

WAking up so early everyday, realizing i'm all alone here in Medan. No more my best buddies calling me and tag me to go out anymore. My days has changed a lot. No best friends. Usually i just have to dial their numbers and i know they'll save me and we'll have FUN for the rest of the day. We'll go out, we'll watch movies! sometimes we'll sit down in a cafe.. wasting hours just talking, sometimes sitting down in silence just enjoying each other presence and waste those hours away before we all go home and end the day.

My days used to be with my friends. My days used to be complete!

I used to feel happy just because i'm WITH my friends.

Now everything just change. They are not here anymore. They're out there in other people's country.. Doing God knows what..
I'm left alone in this Medan city! hey! wait! I am supposed to go aboard too! I am suppose to be sitting somewhere in other countries right now.. But things are not that easy.. I can't get the things i want cause that'll be too easy isn't it? Life never is easy right? There are ups and downs ^^ I finally completely understand that..

Besides.. who am i to complain?

I can't rewind my decisions. I can't rewind things that i choose.
That's why i'll hang on! I won't let myself go astray and lost. I WON't regret things that i choose.

I bet a lot of people wanted to see me become useless in Medan just because i missed my chance to go abroad. But let me tell you what people? I'm NOT going to be useless. I am still going to be what i want, and that's to be someone. With, or without going abroad!

Someone that my parents would be proud of with head held high and called as their daughter ^^ ehehe... Whatever that is.. A business woman, an actress, a mere housewife.. whatever! I'll make them proud!

I have loads of times and opportunities ahead of me. I'll carefully seize them. And i'm not going to let other people to judge me. I am the one who have the right to judge myself. Others are just spectators, they love me they support me, they dislike me they can shut up, cause i ain't botherin' myself with them.

These past several months of being alone. I experience a lot of things that i can't when my best friends are still here.

I learn how to be more open. More extrovert that i ever imagine myself to be. I accept friendships and guidance from a lot of different people which i usually didn't do. I feel like birds without its cages. I feel so confident with myself. I feel like i am a new person. I smile whenever i feel like it. Sometimes i even smile to strangers. AHAHAAA! They just look at me like i've grown a third eye! AHAHA! But really, i like to smile now... I understand my smile is not the most beautiful smile in the world, but i know it might help someone through his/her bad day.

Aiyooh.. AHAHA! I become closer to my family i suppose.. Of course we always are close.. but right now i feel closer. I appreciate them so much... Probably because i spent more time at home now.. Ahaha! I love my Mom, my Dad, my big brother, my little brother, my naught little sister. I love them!

I learn to love this Medan city for itself.. Slowy, as months goes by.. I am connected to it. I love it. It's a small city, it's not beautiful as London, it's not grand like Singapore, nor it's extravagant as Sydney. But i appreciate it, I love how comfortable it is. I love to drive my car around it on weekends... ^^

And btw, I learn to love my new subjects. Business.. in the worst case scenario i'd probably stuck with it for more than a year... So, i might as well like it. Ahaha! I am starting to love the way from Monday to Friday i start my class on 9 and have a break on 10.30 and start another class at 11 and ended on 12.30. I love how after that i spent times with my classmates doing assignments at the library until like 3 in the afternoon. I love the fact that i spent my time with them and the seniors and staffs people and the lecturers in that building. I like the canteen.. Where i can just get into the kitchen and take whatever drinks i want myself and pay it after i finish my breakfast. I love the fact that the lady in the canteen can make a very delicious fried noodle which i eat as breakfast like twice a week. I like how nice everyone is to one and another.

The last thing i learn is my work la.. It's the most difficult of all.. Cause you see, i don't really like it but i'm stuck with it.. Ahaha! It's a family business. So the key to get along with it is that everytime i work, i have to remind myself that my parents own this company and i don't want to let them down. AHAHA!

WAh... i really feel a lot better la right now...

First couple of weeks losing all my best buddies, i kinda feel sad and angry and alone.. But now i can cope with it la.. i learn to be a stronger person..

I change a lot la in these past several months, I know my best friends also are changing into something else too... They're going to be different, but i hope when they all return here on holidays our friendship will remain as tight. I'll love them for who they've become, i hope they'll love me for who i've become too for now.. ^^

Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get ^^

Aiyoooh! feel so nice la to be able to get all of this off my chest! ^^

I also forget to mention, i am in LOVE with Damian Lau.. He's a veteran Hong Kong actor.. His acting is just superb. He can potray excellent emotion to his characters. I still admire Alan Rickamn greatly la but Waaah, i can honestly say that Damian's acting is better than AlaN Rickman's la... Damian's more natural, Alan's more theatrical.

Please bear with me while i explain why Damian's acting stuck in my heart...

(this is purely extracted from the movie) There is this movie where Damian's character a very strong personality dude finally can marry the woman he love all this time, but then when they're planning the marriage.. He fell sick and goes to Beijing where the medical care is better, the doctor diagnose him to have a cancer and he only have 3 more months to live. He's so sad, he love her so much and want to make her the happiest woman by marrying her.. but he knows if he married her, she'd be a widow 3 months later... So he canceled the marriage by telegram back to the woman. The woman was so sad upon receiving the telegram because she know he must have a very fatal sickness that he have to cancel the marriage. So she insist to marry him eventhough that means she have to be a widow, because she love him so much and want to make him the happiest man. He's so distraught with her request of continuing the marriage, and decide to go to the woman face to face. On the train ride back to her he silently cry.. (I just so touched in this scene by Damian's acting.. Never before i see an actor cry so naturally... his tears just flow out and his feature are so sad, distressed and helpless, hurt). He's so good i literally cried with him. I can feel his character's sadness, his desperation. I sobbed like mad.. The couple story are just so sad.. aiyooh.. Damian's acting are perfect la.. Everytime his pain kick in his face feature just perfect, makes me also cringe in pain la.. It's an emotional ride watching the movie.. Audience can feel his happiness, sadness, hurt.. His ability to bring his character to life.. wah, It's just insane. Really2 good actor.. Hope in the future he'll potray more in silver screen.. So more people can see how great his acting is ^^ ehehe..

Comments

[Joan]

Do your best, Marlina. Studying abroad doesn't mean anything special but throwing away your parents money, IMHO, hehehe. (Unless you could study for free, of course...)

There's also no guarantee that you would be a successful person in a future, only because you studied abroad.

So, keep on fighting!

[Marlina]

*touched*
thank you Jo! ^^

yosh! Keep fightin'!